People often find it hard to believe what has happened to me! They cant believe i seem “normal” they dont understand how someone who has been horrifically raped repeatedly from as young as 3 years old is walking round, looking good, having a laugh, happily married etc, But let me ask you this- Would people rather i was a walking mess? Yes i have been through a horrific experience but i refuse to let it beat me, i have bad bad days where i hate the world, dont want to wash or get out of bed but i have no choice i have a husband and 3 beautiful children who deserve the best from me! I am also not going to let my abuser destroy my life like he destroyed my childhood!
I really hate to see people throw away their life because of what has happened to them, life is short and life is to be enjoyed and i urge people reading this do not give up!! For myself personally i refuse to wallow in what has happened to me in the past and instead dream of my happy future. I did have my childhood stolen and i deserve to enjoy every minute of the rest of my life!! I refuse to feel sorry for myself because i didn’t cause it myself, my abuser did-he is the one who deserves to rot in hell not ME!!!
I also think when i talk to people about my abuse i talk about it as if it happened to someone else almost robotically as sometimes i do find it hard to believe it really was me! I also think by trying to block it out it causes you to almost detach from it?! I think too as i dont want people to feel sorry for me or treat me different i talk about it as if i dont care, but trust me i do…. Just because someone seems ok on the outside doesn’t always mean they are ok on the inside 😦
I really am thankful for everyone reading my blog, it has shocked me to be honest and i really hope one day i can maybe help even one person to realise suicide isn’t the answer! Like i say life is to short as it is and sometimes we need to just suck it up and get on with it!!
Thanks for reading :’) E xx